A Colloquy on Befriending the Questions

After attending a workshop called "Companioning the Spiritual But Not Religious" today, I am left with a particular phrase that the presenter, Kent Groff gave us: befriend your questions. He said this in the context of discussing how to invite the questions of those who, for many reasons, have chosen not to be part of formal faith communities. Befriend the questions. What does it mean exactly?

It is easy, when hearing about a group or category of people ("spiritual but not religious"; "Roman Catholics" etc.) to think that befriending their questions just means listening. Not that listening is ever a "just" anything. But it can become so if we allow ourselves to think of special types of questions that people from different groups have. Befriending, in this way of thinking, is sitting next to another's questions.

But sitting next to is not a metaphor. It is a reality if we really begin to contemplate what befriending questions means. How do we treat friends? With interest, curiosity, respect for their integrity, compassion for their struggles, love for their joys. This is how we treat "real" friends.

But questions, at least for me, can sometimes bring up anxieties. Should I go this direction or that direction? Does God want me here or there? Is this sense of accomplishment I feel about God or what it will bring God's world? Sometimes the best possible outcome with these questions is to detach from them. To say to them, you, sit over there for now because I don't know what to do with you yet. I'll get back to you tomorrow.

And certainly, we all do that with friends at times. We need a bit of space and so we say, let me get back to you. But then there are times when a friend calls and there is nothing to do but to return the call. He or she needs to be heard. He or she needs some company that evening.

Everyday discernment questions as friends ... as I think of this, I remember there are times to invite a friend to laugh and let go. And I may go on walks with them. And have a meal with them. Questions, then, are real friends. They stay with you on the course and lead you with their accompaniment.