Is it okay to leave a faith community over not being fed?

Recently I read two different articles, one about reasons why one should not leave the church; the other about reasons it was ok to leave the church.

The former article's #1 reason was, "Because I am not being fed." The argument was that, as mature persons of faith, we should not expect the church to be responsible for "feeding" us. Rather, we should have the means to obtain what we need spiritually without the church handing it out to us on a platter.

I agree with this to an extent. After all, as mature persons of faith, it is possible to have more developed spiritual practices, as well as many images of God, so that if one or more of our routines is disrupted (such as a parish community not feeling fulfilling), it is possible to draw upon other resources: i.e. God does not just belong in houses of formal worship, but also the houses of our selves out in the world. As in Psalm 84:

2

The sparrow has found her a house
and the swallow a nest where she may lay her young; *
by the side of your altars, O LORD of hosts,
my King and my God.

3

Happy are they who dwell in your house! *
they will always be praising you.

4

Happy are the people whose strength is in you! *
whose hearts are set on the pilgrims' way. 

 

 So there is much truth to this idea, I think.

 

I'm also reminded of a notion I learned from a congregational development training- the idea that churches benefit from having what are called "mature practitioners"--that is, people who have well-developed prayer lives, and who bring their presence into church services with them. Others benefit simply by others who come to church, and who lead contemplative lives outside the church. It's much like going into an empty cathedral that feels full of presence - because many have prayed and worshiped there before. A full prayer life in a place or a person brings life to others.

But what of those practitioners themselves, if they are coming to a place where others are not prayerful? Where reverence is not valued? Where they must always draw upon their own wellspring, rather than feeling they can sometimes-not always, but sometimes-lean on the community, much like the woman who gripped the hem of Jesus's cloak?

This is the problem, I think, with saying it is never ok to leave somewhere because of "not being fed." Because sometimes it is not just that people are not being fed; it is that the church is asking them to feed it (or her, if you prefer).

Consider this. The article about leaving the church that I referred to at the beginning of this post continued on to draw an analogy between one's relationship to the church and dating. It implied that commitment is to be valued more (I agree) and that those seeking "should put their shopping carts away and roll up their sleeves." That's fine ... but if the dating metaphor is valid, then it is also okay to walk away from a dysfunctional, unhealthy and one-sided relationship. This is the reality many people face in parishes, and which keeps people away from the church.

So, is it okay to leave a faith community over not being fed? I would say "sometimes." It requires careful discernment, no doubt. But it not always a bad reason.